just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
