yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize