Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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