He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
