Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
