One girl and one boy is just not enough.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
