I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
