Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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