Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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