Sry I called you an 8
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
