This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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