We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
