I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
