maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's shark week go big or go home
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
