so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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