So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
