Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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