hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
