It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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