so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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