I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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