I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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