Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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