If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
