So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
