wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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