Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
