Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
