I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
