TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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