All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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