Sponge bath it is.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
