dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
