i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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