why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
