I accidentally had phone sex last night
she was so not down for the gang bang
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
