This girl is more easily done than said...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
