Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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