apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
