miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
