don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
