my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
