I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
pray to the hookup gods
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
