Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Someone signed my nipple.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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