I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
