can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Send help, water and tortillas.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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