I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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