I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's rum buckets o'clock
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
