i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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