So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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