Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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