On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I wish there were birth control emojis
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
