Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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