if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
