home. puking in laundry basket.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
