as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
