I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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