my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
