when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
