i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
