i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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