Don't you send me to vm
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
