Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
