The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
im six kinds of drunk right now
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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