dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
