Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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