I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
