I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How does it feel to date your dad?
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