It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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