If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
