Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My bed smells like the plague
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
