This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize