you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
