my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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