how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
