The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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