Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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