Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
