Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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