oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
