so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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