just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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